Trust In Me (A Landmark Diner Discussion)

Tonight I had that opportunity to be reminded of a lot of things that I value (thanks, friend!).
Things I value:

Authenticity. Coupled with tact and love, always, but still... speak my truth without fear.

Faith in God. Trust in God that as long as I am doing what I think, to the best of my knowledge, He wants me to do, all will ultimately be well.

I am a Spiritual Being. Yes, I have goals and needs here on the material plane, but ultimately I am responsible only to my Higher Power. At my reckoning, God isn't going to ask how much money I made or how steady that income was, He is going to want to know how I tried to live according to His Will. Also, regardless of what happens to my relationships here, I will see the people I am tied to in the next world, where all will be love for eternity.

While approval and good opinions from others are nice, if I truly believe something about myself, no one else's opinion can shake that. For example, I know that I am a woman. You can tell me as many times with as much force as you want that I am male, but that's not going to change my knowledge that I am female. Suppose I believed that about other things? Suppose I truly KNEW that I am a trustworthy person... no matter how many people made up some belief that I am not, it wouldn't shake my self knowledge. Or supposing I know that I am a good person, a responsible person, a loved person... etc etc.

Trust in my process. Refer to my post about the labyrinth for more details but I'll recap here. Sometimes it looks like I am headed away from my goal that goal being the ultimate goal of Godliness), sometimes towards, sometimes just circling around it. In reality though, in the larger picture, every step I take, trusting in myself and my God, I am getting closer and closer to my goal.

The relationships that I value most can take a battering, if that's what it comes down to, and come out better on the other side.

THE KEYS:
Staying close to God and my spiritual self through
     prayer
     meditation
     reading the Holy Writings
     discussing my thoughts and feelings on the topic

Believing in myself and my process as well as others and their process through
     self affirmations and collecting evidence to support those affirmations
     staying close to God
     authenticity, especially in being transparent with my concerns regarding my relationships
     
    

Oh. Gherkin. I Also Do Not Like The Word Gherkin.

Words I Dislike for No Particular Reason

I don't know why I dislike these words. I just do. There are other words I don't like because of their meanings or something. These are the ones I just plain don't like, for no reason I am aware of.

slacks (slack or slacker are ok, but not great)
blouse
swish
poker
preparatory (prep is ok)
scar
pimple
nocturnal
shush
fructose (when pronounced with a short u. I don't mind it with a long u.)
plow (especially when spelled "plough")
owl

I'm sure there's more, but I'm tired of remembering them now.

Total B*tch Fest

WARNING:

If you object to foul language, irrational ranting, or plain old bitchiness, do not read this post.

1. NO I will not help you be comfortable with killing yourself. What kind of selfish piece of shit person asks that of someone else? Fucktard, I hope you DO find a way!

2. Being honest and authentic doesn't mean you have the right to be tactless. "I'm just honest" is not a excuse to go around hurting people's feeling and being a general asshole. So shut the fuck up with your honesty crap. I don't buy it.

3. I AM TRYING!!! I still fuck up and I am still not what I want to be but GODDAMMIT AT LEAST I TRY so who the fuck are you to judge me?

4. I may not do things the way you do, but that doesn't mean I do them wrong.

5. I may not know all the things you do, but that still doesn't mean I'm wrong.

6. I may in fact be wrong, but that doesn't mean you should be an ass about it.

7. MY LANDLADY SUCKS MONKEY BALLS!!! The god damn washer/dryer is broken again, halfway through washing my now-soaking wet bedding which I am vainly trying to dry inside. My door still has a huge gap that lets in cold air and bugs, my windows still don't open, my kitchen drawer is still broken, and my living room still doesn't heat properly. AND THAT'S JUST THE CURRENT SHIT!

8. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGH!!!!!!

Great Things Part 3

My brother's greens/swiss chard dish

Having a whole day to do nothing, after a string of really busy days

Not having cat fur all over my furniture and clothes

Getting together with like-minded people to study and discuss spiritual concepts from a personal point of view

Warm baths

A warm bed

Frustration

Instead of getting frustrated, get fascinated.
Doesn't that sound like a funner, easier way to solve a problem? Instead of "AAAARGH how do I make it STOP???" its so much more pleasant to go with "Huh. I wonder which ways I can come up to help this situation along" and then really delve into the situation. Kind of how we ask children to do. For example:
Kid: whine whine fuss cry "I can't reach this book" whine fuss
Me: Hmm. That book is a little high, isn't it. I wonder how you could reach it?
Me and Kid: Think of solutions together including a step stool, me lifting the kid, the kid learning to fly, the kid scaling the book shelves.
Me: So which of those do you want try?
Kid: I want to fly!
Me: OK! Go ahead!
Me and Kid: fun times pretending to fly
And eventually the book gets gotten

Man, thats such a better script than everyone just getting frustrated! So what I want to do is apply that philosophy to myself. When I get irritated, think "Huh. Interesting. So what are some ways I could solve this? *think of a few, no matter how realistic* OK, so which do I want to try first? *probably choosing most realistic one first*" And then either "YAY, I SOLVED IT!" or "Hmm, that one didn't work, which other idea do I want to try" and so on and so forth. All in a genuine attitude of learning and exploration. And nonjudgement.

life is too short to live in the past