Thursday, June 28, 2018


You can't have culture without cult

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Paradigm Shift

Don't like the paradigm you find yourself living in? That's ok, just make your own personal paradigm. Make sure to shape it so that you kick ass. 'Cause you do.

Meds Dependent

My vital meds, and there are a lot of them, come with side effects. I take meds to combat the side effects. Those meds have side effects. I dislike all of the side effects; not a single one is fun or something helpful for me like "weight loss."

So sometimes I get a little rebellious. I go off of some of the meds. Time and time again I am reminded: I am only functional as a chemical cyborg. I must have regular infusions of chemicals from outside of my body in order to exist in any meaningful way.

It's tempting to be like "hey isn't that what food is too" or something like that. But don't say that. It's not the same. Eating like everyone else on the planet from time immemorial, is not the same as being dependent on chemicals made in some factory that you are forced to pay obscene prices for (one of my most necessary prescriptions is $121 for a one month supply, after a patient's assistance discount). And by the way, these chemicals that make you human enough, they come with warning labels.  They're going to cause you to be unable to drive, to think complex thoughts, to remember words and occasions, to digest normally.... If you take the wrong one at the wrong time, go directly to the ER. And if you miss taking one at the right time... you guessed it. ER.

So yeah. I'm a chemical cyborg. Some days I'm thankful for that. Most days, I just knock back my pills three times a day and don't think much of it.

And today, I resent it.

Golden Rule

(The social one, not the math one.)
We've all heard it. Ever major culture and religion has some version of it.

It seems so simple that it must be simplistic, right? But what if it's not.... what if this little line really is the whole of the law?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you... if you were in their situation. I hope someone gives me CPR if I'm having heart troubles, but I hope no one ever gives me CPR if I'm not having heart troubles! And this is where maybe it starts to feel complicated. Because, you see, it's so vital to really know someone's situation rather than assuming it. If I see someone laying on floor, I'd be wise to take a look around and even ask a few questions before assuming it's chest compression time.

So ask the questions. Have the conversations. Do the research. Think the thoughts, feel the feelings. And then... Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.

Here's the key, I think: if your investigating and discussing genuinely has this tribal compassion as an end goal, it's all good. But we lose sight of the love so easily under the strain of our fears. We fear not having enough ourselves, and judgement, and how our actions will be received...

But y'all. The Golden Rule is golden for a reason. And it just really is that simple.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Answers For Visitors, Whoever They May Be

I hate feeling questioned and judged and envied and doubted and pressured to provide answers and explanations to calm individual and societal judgements, so this post is to all the religious proponents, church inviters, misdirected court officers, water testers, movers, contractors, delivery people, and even some friends and aquaintances, who have visited this house since I moved in this past spring.

Yes, it's a beautiful home, thank you.

Yes, it certainly is large. 

I'm sorry you couldn't afford to live here.

How I afford to live here is actually pretty personal.

Yes, I do mind telling you what I paid.

Actually, I don't work.

It's none of your business where my money comes from.

Yes, I'm sure you would like to be able to not work. You know what though? I bet you'd hate to not be *able* to work.

It's none of your business what I did when I did work; especially when you're asking to try to figure out if that's where my money came from.

Yes, I am very lucky to live here.

Yes, it's nice that I don't have to work. Since, you know, I am physically and mentally unable to.

Why, would the number of inhabitants make it ok for you that I live here? 

Yes, she's a border collie. 

No, she's pure bred.

Yes, she's beautiful, thank you.

No, I'd rather not say what I paid for her.

No, I do not work.

Yes, she's my service dog. Does that make this more or less comfortable for you?

Thanks I guess, but I assure you I can feel quite sick despite how I may or may not look. What exactly does "sick" look like anyway?

(Bonus answers to a parking lot stranger: 
Yes, that's my car in the handicapped spot.
Actually, it's hanging up on the mirror.
No, it's mine.
Well, my doctor thinks I'm disabled, so...)

The scars are none of your business. Ask again and I'm likely to just go ahead and tell you and based on past reactions, you'll wish I hadn't.

....I still don't work. No, I'm not between jobs. No, I'm not looking for work. Thanks for thinking of me but I'm not looking for ways to make money. 

I understand that your continued suggestions about what I should do seem reasonable and easy to you; please trust me as a forty-something year old woman to make my own decisions regarding my personal life. Please don't make me say this again; maybe I'll just get some cards made up to hand out instead.

I have set some clear boundaries in this conversation; if you continue to ignore and push them, I'm happy to stonewall this topic with you for as long as feel like it.

Ok, I've gone ahead and trusted you enough to say my money is an inheritance. If you say one more time that I'm lucky I've had people leave me money, I'll tell you about how it feels to have no grandparents and only one parent by age forty. I'll replay you the week of watching my mother actively die. Don't you think I'd drain every bank account I've ever had, for one more day with her? But gosh, I sure am lucky.

Yeah, I know you didn't mean it "like that," but maybe stop and think a minute before you speak.

Curiosity is a thing. I get it. But like we tell preshoolers, please listen to and respect other people's words.

Oh. Well. Hi there, chart of my life...

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

How To Be

I believe the following brilliant idea, which I saw an aquaintance going by Proteus say at a Jedi Temple (yes, that's an actual real thing), would be just as valid if it started out "How to be a decent human being."

How to be a Jedi  
Step One: Ask yourself "What do I know?"
Step Two: Consider everyone around you your teachers (including the fools). 
Step Three: Regularly learn from your teachers. 
Step Four: Regularly serve your teachers. 
Step Five: Repeat.

How to Human in five easy steps, y'all. Let's give it a shot!