Monday, June 30, 2008

Love vs Care

Love and caring for someone are often used synonymously, but I want to introduce a new definition in which they are actually opposites. Really, I'm just using these words to express ideas, but words are handy things given that's how we communicate.

Love is a pure, unconditional feeling. Love is the energetic expression of appreciation and wonder for the beauty of a person; for their personal Godliness. It is in the untwisted delight in the mannerisms and supposed imperfections that make Joe uniquely Joe and give Jill her Jill-ness. Love has no sense of time, no agenda, no momentum or inertia. It simply is: a flowing of energy from one person to another. Love allows us to fully and totally trust others to live their lives as they need to, for themselves and not for us.

Caring for someone is the root of care-taking. Caring is a perversion of love: caring comes with message, an agenda, something to accomplish. Caring is needing Holly to find a way out of her unstable relationship or wanting Dan to stop talking to himself when he walks outside. Out intentions may very well stem out of wanting what is best for someone, but in caring we forget that we don't know what is best for someone else. Caring leads to meddling and invasion and evasion. caring is the word we use to make it sound ok that we have agendas for people, and that we need for them to act and react in certain ways to gain our full approval.

Caring for someone and loving them are opposites. Love is genuine acceptance and appreciation, and having the complete trust in another person to know and do what is best for themselves. Caring for someone is having a need for them to change or have a particular experience and influencing them, however subtly, in that direction. Caring is harmful and can lead to the destruction of another's psyche if practiced too intensely, too often, or by too many people. While love is a wonderful thing, caring is to be avoided at all costs.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Power v/s Empowered

There's been days when I have been just an amazing person. I've been comfortable and loving and gone for my wants and been of service and just everything. And then the next day, or even that night, I freak out and do something that brings me down, like judge myself for an action or thought I usually wouldn't or something equally silly. And today I realized why I was so scared of being empowered.
I was confusing power with being empowered. Power means being able to change situations and people but maybe making mistakes and messing things up (see George W.). I've been really afraid of that, of power: of having influence and responsibility.
Empowered is a lot the same, in terms of having influence, but you get that influence through love; unconditional love. Love first means you can never screw up. So its awesome to feel good and be good when you are empowered because everything you do... everything I do... will be perfect. There is nothing to fear from being empowered, and everything to look forward to.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Yes! Thank you!

I've been looking backwards while moving forwards. Let's have an example, shall we...
I have a goal: becoming a certified child facilitator. I've been using worry and discomfort to move toward that goal. I make a mistake or do something not-so-effective in the playroom, and then I spend my energy looking back at that moment to motivate myself to go forward. And it does work. But... that means that as I move forward, I'm constantly looking back. Try that sometime... you stumble, you trip, you wander off the path. Its so much more effective to look forward; to be motivated by the gorgeous scenery of where I want to be. Once in a while it doesn't hurt to take a look back, but in general backwards is not an effective method of locomotion.
When someone gives me feedback, I have decided to see it as a hand reaching from the scenery of my goals and wants. Rather than getting feedback and thinking "oh damn, I messed up again" I will think of it as a gift and say "Yes! Thank you!" I will grab that hand of feedback and use it to pull myself forward instead of worrying about it to use it as a push from behind.


We are all beautifully colored pieces of paper: we have infinite possibilities to become anything we want to be. Inherent in what we are is the ability to be anything at anytime. We are nothing and in being nothing, we are everything.
We like to trick ourselves though. We fold ourselves into a shape, maybe a crane. We think the shape of a crane will get us what we want: a job, a friend. But eventually we forget that we are nothing and everything and believe that we are a crane. We don't think we can become anything else.
The trick is to remember that whatever shape we take, its all a game. We are a piece of paper pretending to be a crane. We are a spiritual being pretending to be a physical one. We are a happy and joyful person pretending to be sad or angry or hurt, because we believe it will get us what we want. Which is fine and smart and good, as long as we remember what we really are.