Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Tuesday Project 1

OK, so really it's 12:12am on Wednesday... I count days as being over when I go to bed. Yeah.
The idea for these projects was to be doing something creative each week. But this week I really want to get my music player working right and put all my music on it, so that's my main project.
If I feel like doing it, though, I have a more artsy/craftsy project in mind. In my Morris dancing (that's the dance I do at the renaissance festival) we often use hankies. For dancing, not nose-goblin collecting. You kinda fling them about in specific ways as you dance.
So I have a plan to decorate mine along the edges with a green leafy vine pattern. It'll match my costume, which is all blues and greens. It'll also match my character: I'm the woods woman. You know, that loner lady who lives in the woods and everyone is afraid of her until they are ill or in labor; then they totally want her for her herbs and knowledge.
So that/those is/are my projects for the week. I'll let you know how they go on Celebration Saturday!


I get this interesting dissonance sometimes. Like my brain/mind/spirit/self becomes slightly detached from the outside world and lives internally for a bit. Usually it lasts a few minutes, a couple hours. Sometimes it lasts a few days, even a couple of weeks in a somewhat watered down form.
When it lasts just a few minutes, it's no bother.
When it's a few hours, I begin to get somehow itchy in myself. The disconnect wears on me, trying to live in both places at once.
When it's longer, the first while is tough; like it takes me a while to remember what's going on and that it's ok. I spend the first bit fighting the current, trying to snap the dislocation back into place. Once I settle into it, though, it's no bother. I kind of enjoy having to live slowly, contemplatively. It's almost a living meditation.
I imagine that on the outside it looks a lot like my depression often looks. It doesn't feel the same at all. Depression has an uneasy tang to it, a hint of desperation. Or sometimes I suppose my depression tastes of shut-down, of being switched off to everything, flat, matte, monotone.
The dissonance though; it's rich. There's this sweet melancholy. It reminds me of a baby's lips, when they pucker together. That tiny pinpoint of unbearable sweetness. Once I settle in, that is what the dissonance is. But it is internal. It is all about me and my senses and finding my own unbearable sweetness. It's about exploring the textures of the wrinkles of my brain and how the outside world fits into the crevasses.
So really, as Jack White put it, who's to say that I'm unhappy 'cause I rarely smile? I might not look like I'm having fun in the way most people would, but I'm sucking the marrow of life, my way.


Light and dark.
Day and night.
Quick and dead.
Black and bright.

Without the contrasts of mood,
of spirit,
of personality,
it's all just silhouettes in oil.
Maybe interesting.
Maybe shiny.
But not alive.

Hurt and joy.
Deep and thin.
Her and me.
Once and again.

Monday, August 30, 2010

the best and the worst thing about living alone is, no one sees you cry

Great Things, Part 9

Jack White

Friend who know how to fix technological stuff

Tiny frogs

Morris bells

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Intention Sunday 1

OK. In the next week I intend to do at least 4 hours of study for my IIN course (2 on Tuesday and 2 on Friday).

I also intend to make an effort to reach out to at least 2 people during the week in a social way: either talking to someone I normally wouldn't, sending an email or card to someone I haven't spoken to in a while... 2 un-ordinary social contacts of some kind.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Celebration Saturday 1

I just started this whole daily theme post thing, so I didn't set an intention last Sunday. But, no reason not to celebrate anyway!

I got a lot done on my studies this week!

A friend of mine is about to start a brand new phase of his life, with grace!

My nephew made some awesome catches at flag football practice!

My baby niece said "bird!"

I have been consistently responding to someone's requests for help, and they told me how much they appreciate it (that's a celebration for me and them, lol)!

Someone I love is remaining positive in the face of scary news!

I asked for a massage to help with a headache, and got it!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Bloggy Days

I've decided it's time for some organization up in here. I want to do one post a day, on themes. Here's the plan:

Intentions Sunday: Each Sunday I will set an intention for myself and post it here. These may be specific or general or both; we'll see what I feel like I need that week.

Great Things Monday: Each Monday I will do a Great Things post, celebrating things I love and am grateful for.

Projects Tuesday: On Tuesdays I will post about some creative project I am working on or have an idea for.

Wednesday Wonderings: Wednesday will be for sharing things I am thinking about that week; ideas about growth or the world or myself... whatever has been occupying my brain that week.

Holistic Health Thursday: Every Thursday I will post some kind of health-related thing. Maybe something I have learned in my studies with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, maybe an article I have found and my thoughts about it... something health related.

Friday Foods: OK, this one is going to be big for me. Each Friday I will post the results of some kind of food experiment I've done: maybe trying a new food or cooking something I haven't before. Hopefully this will be incentive for me to branch out!

Celebration Saturday: Saturdays will be a time to look back over the week, see how I did on my intention, and celebrate myself and others for our achievements.

Of course, I will continue to post my weirdness and ramblings whenever I feel a need to.
So yep, that's the plan! What do you think?

Friday, August 20, 2010

Foods That Are Good for Me

A friend (hi, friend!) suggested I make a list of foods that I am allowed to eat, as a part of trying to get motivated for eating well.
If a food is (in parentheses) that means that while I technically can eat it, I am really not planning to. Probably because it's nasty.
One * means its something I like pretty well.
Two *s means its something I like very well.
sweet potato
yellow squash*
green beans*
pinto beans
black beans*
(lima beans)
(brussel sprouts)
garbanzo beans**
bok choy
turnip-i'm not sure i've ever eaten a turnip....
squash blossoms
black eyed peas
mung beans
parsnip-not sure i've eaten eaten these, either
water chestnut*
amaranth-definitely never had this grain
passion fruit
star apple
sunflower seeds*
pumpkin seeds*
butter-real, not margarine
spaghetti squash
coconut/coconut milk

I think that's it.... I can use any kind of oil, amino acids, spices (except ones that come from nightshades, like chili etc)...

The Renaissance Festival

I get a small thrill every time I spell renaissance right, heh.

So, I work at the local(ish) renaissance festival. I am a part of a morris dance team. It's an English dance, with lots of bells, and sticks, and hankies. It's good fun. I love the dancing.
Someone at practice a bit ago said something about "Yeah, the faire doesn't pay us much, but I suspect most of us would work there even if they didn't pay at all, 'cause we just love faire." I almost said something then, but decided not to.
The thing is, I don't love faire. I tolerate it because that's where I can dance. I don't enjoy going as a patron at all. I'm seriously introverted so having to be around people all day long - especially people who are expecting me to be entertaining - is tough. It's either hot or cold, but never pleasant. It's dusty and dirty. It's loud and there's a lot going on. I can't eat any of the food they offer. A fair number of the people are kind of creepy to spend much time around. It's just not my cup of rococo.
But, for another year at least, it's still worth it to get to dance.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

IIN Intention

IIN is the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, the school I am now doing health coach training with. I had an assignment to write an intention, and wanted to share it:

I will learn to treat myself more kindly as well as becoming comfortable, both personally and from a professional/business standpoint, helping others learn to treat themselves more kindly.
I will do this by completing each module the week it is released (including any assignments) and going as deep as necessary to make and commit to personal changes as well as fully understand the materials presented.

So... yep. That's my plan. Right now I am trying to have a dedicated IIN time in my day/week, but that hasn't worked for me so far... actually, I'd welcome any ideas or thoughts about this.
Also, beware, my populace! I might be calling on you to be one of my guinea pigs, for study support, to help me with materials and concepts I'm not understanding... and maybe to help me with accountability. I'm not sure yet what I might need in this process, but I'm feeling pretty determined to see it through (which also feels a little scary, cause, I mean, you know me and school don't get along so well...).

Magic Formula

Prayer + Practice = Perfection

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Fire and Gold

"Busy not thyself with this world, for with fire We test the gold, and with gold We test Our servants."

It's only recently occurred to me that he gold doesn't have to just mean material goods, it can mean anything we consider valuable and shiny (in the Firefly sense of the word shiny. Don't know what I'm talking about? Rent the Serenity DVD.)

I guess the key is sorting which gold is gold and which is pyrite. Or even which gold is pure and which is too tainted to be valuable... except if the gold was already tested with fire, maybe it's all been sorted and it's all the good stuff.  Maybe we aren't supposed to fall for the gold at all... 

So how do you know what in your path to pay attention to and what to step around? I guess it's all down to knowing yourself, knowing what brings you closer to knowing and worshipping God and what distracts you.