Me, I'm A Part of Your Circle of Friends

Anyone remember that song? In case anyone else is now having a burst of nostalgia, here ya go. Good ol' Edie.

Really, that's not the point of this post though. The point is this:

I have a small circle of friends. I like it that way. I'm interested in deep relationships, of the sort which are difficult (for me, anyway) to maintain lots of. I consider those deep relationships, my friends. I do have some ... I guess shallow is the opposite of deep, but it doesn't mean I don't value those relationships. Just, I don't consider them my circle of friends, I guess.

The danger of this, I have discovered and re-discovered, is forgetting that not everyone in my circle also has a small circle. In fact, some of them have huge circles. Sometimes it's too easy for me to feel hurt by what feel like slights or omissions in communication and sharing, because I forget (and really can't very easily conceive of what it's really like) that some people have what seems like vast numbers of social contacts.

I'm not entirely sure what the solution is... maybe just as simple as remembering that my experience is in no way any one else's experience.

Acquainted With the Night

Acquainted With the Night
by Robert Frost

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
O luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

Three Words

A while ago I made this collage, that kind of describes who I would like to be.

Today I got an assignment from one of my counselors to choose three words from the collage to concentrate on for the week. I am supposed to do everything within the context of the three words. So if I make a meal, I concentrate on the passion, sacredness, and naturalness of the food, what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, how I'm doing it, et cetera. It should be an interesting week!

I've chosen passion, natural, and sacred.

This Is How I Feel About "Small Talk"

"I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some f**kin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in."
--Good Will Hunting

I Learned A New Word

Chiaroscuro. It means the art or practice of so arranging the light and dark parts to produce a harmonious effect. Usually it refers to art, but I'd very much like to make it refer to my life.

Being OK With Being OK

So basically, in the grand scheme of life, I'm doing OK. I have set backs and all, but who doesn't. Whereas, 5 or 6 years ago, I was really not doing OK. I mean, really... but I'll spare you the details.

But here's the interesting thing; sometimes I'm not OK with doing OK. For a lot of reasons, I suspect, but one is that (and I know in my head that this doesn't make much sense, but I feel it anyway) sometimes I feel like being OK now negates my past not-being-OK-ness. Like, somehow, if I was able to get over it, it wasn't actually all that bad.

And it kinda makes me interested in self-sabotage, just so that I can make sure that my troubled past isn't forgotten. I'm not even sure who I think shouldn't forget... me, you, my family, God... I have no idea. But the thought is often there, especially when it's just been pointed out to me how very OK I am doing now.

Great Things

(Wow, I'm long overdue for a Great Things post!)

Epic friendships

Violins

 

YouTube

Cherries

DVDs