The title is a poem by Robert Frost, definitely worth looking up if you've never read/heard it.
So every day, except the first day which was kinda scary and stressful, I've woken up looking forward to going to work; even if I was tired or something I still wanted to be there. Except today. Today I'd kinda just like to stay in bed and avoid all the people at work and the hiking and the food and everything. Then I'm a little freaked out because I was thinking and hoping I would always like work, and expecting that of myself. I feel like people at work are expecting it of me too, although I'm pretty sure that mostly not true.
Things I'm not looking forward to today: being around highly energetic people, being asked more about my scars, being asked more about sensory dysfunction, and being slower at walking up that stupid hill than the spritely skinnyass people (gee, no bitterness there, huh). Also I'm now putting an expectation on myself to always be happy. People are saying its more fun and more cheerful and a more positive influence, they are proud of me and all. So I put pressure on myself to be cheerful and feel good. I feel like its not ok to feel off. And if I do, I should hide it.
I guess those are the things I should consider ways to be happier about then. But. Uhm. Sometime when I'm not about to be late for said work.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
love you Sonya, and your process. its awesome. 2 fingah's :-)
So dawn goes down to day...
and returns the next day:) you are doing so well, no one expects that you will turn into a coca cola advert for happiness and joy. In fact I wouldn't like you nearly so much if you did;) The strength is in carrying through the hard bits knowing there is good coming again soon.
You're doing brilliantly. Everyone has off days, when they just don't want to deal with life outside of the duvet.
I'm proud of you.
Lots of love, lady.
Hmmm. I'm curious to see how this progressed (though I could guess).... Suppose I should keep reading. :)
Post a Comment