Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Dream Interpretation Idea
For those of you who don't remember the dream, it's described in this post.
Here's my idea:
There's things in my life that are painful. We could even go totally literal and say, self injury. But really, it's a lot of things, both literal and metaphorical. And to me, they take up so much of my effort, so much of my time, that they seem right there on the surface of me. They seem so obvious.
And yet, they aren't. People can't look at my eyes and see what's going on in my head and heart, despite romantic novels to the contrary. People who feel like they are a group, like they have each other and their found and bloodline family, they look at me and maybe they know something is wrong. Maybe they even have an idea that it hurts, but they don't see what to me is plain.
And maybe some part of me likes it hidden.
Here's my idea:
There's things in my life that are painful. We could even go totally literal and say, self injury. But really, it's a lot of things, both literal and metaphorical. And to me, they take up so much of my effort, so much of my time, that they seem right there on the surface of me. They seem so obvious.
And yet, they aren't. People can't look at my eyes and see what's going on in my head and heart, despite romantic novels to the contrary. People who feel like they are a group, like they have each other and their found and bloodline family, they look at me and maybe they know something is wrong. Maybe they even have an idea that it hurts, but they don't see what to me is plain.
And maybe some part of me likes it hidden.
haiku
i beat my plastic
drum outside your window and
you never turn 'round
ok, so i'm not
a wall of ivy or a
phd at all
i'm not your child or
your parent or even a
distant relative
but i am a child
and a parent and i am
right here and right now
banging my plastic
drum outside your window but
you never turn 'round
drum outside your window and
you never turn 'round
ok, so i'm not
a wall of ivy or a
phd at all
i'm not your child or
your parent or even a
distant relative
but i am a child
and a parent and i am
right here and right now
banging my plastic
drum outside your window but
you never turn 'round
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Narcissism: My Therapist is a Funny Lady
So I was at therapy today, talking about myself, as you do. And we were discussing about how I'm not very good at making myself do things I don't want to do, but that I have great energy for doing things I am interested in. One of the things I am most interested in is.... me. But only because I'm so available to myself. If anyone else would hold still for all the questions and thinking and pondering I do with myself, I'd find that person quite interesting. It's really people I'm interested in, but I'm the person who is most available to me, by far. So anyway, we're talking about this, and it goes something like:
Her: You know, there might be a touch of narcissism here. Not like the personality disorder, but just a trace of the trait.
Me: I can't help it, I'm just so fascinating!
Her: The percentage of narcissism has just risen dramatically.
;)
Her: You know, there might be a touch of narcissism here. Not like the personality disorder, but just a trace of the trait.
Me: I can't help it, I'm just so fascinating!
Her: The percentage of narcissism has just risen dramatically.
;)
Friday, January 14, 2011
Great Things
Cane flutes
(and the random weirdos who give them to you)
Red king crabs
(alive, not for eating)
Soft tissues that don't hurt your nose when you blow it a lot
Woolly mammoths
Oh. I mean, woolly mammoths
Canoes
Thursday, January 13, 2011
DBT, Session 1
OK, so today I started a DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) group. If you're not sure what that is, go ahead and google it. My purpose in this post isn't really all that specific to DBT itself.
I have learned two important things about myself form DBT so far, neither particularly having to do with DBT.
One is, my brain is undeniably abnormal. Example: someone in the group asked me if I was a pretty cut-and-dried person. My answer was "nah, I live in a pretty technicolor world." And the rest of the group just kinda looked at me. Blankly. Eventually I got that they didn't get it, so I explained about how really I felt the essence of her question was "are you a black and white thinker" and so I answered that question. My brain just makes different leaps than other people's. Or maybe everyone's does, but I give voice to mine. Also, i challenged that idea that guilt needs to exist. Not the idea that it does exist; clearly it's a real emotion. I challenged the idea that it's necessary.
The other thing I learned is... well, I guess it's not really a learning. Its just putting words to something I already knew. See, people see my intellect and think "dang, she is one rational, intellectual, logical person." Which is true. But as strong as my intellect is, my emotional side is equally strong. It is not dwarfed my my intellect. I think I get judged as a pretty concrete, cut-and-dried, non-technicolor person a fair bit because people see intellect and think "aha, I understand you." People, it is possible to be gifted in both areas. Thank you and goodnight.
I have learned two important things about myself form DBT so far, neither particularly having to do with DBT.
One is, my brain is undeniably abnormal. Example: someone in the group asked me if I was a pretty cut-and-dried person. My answer was "nah, I live in a pretty technicolor world." And the rest of the group just kinda looked at me. Blankly. Eventually I got that they didn't get it, so I explained about how really I felt the essence of her question was "are you a black and white thinker" and so I answered that question. My brain just makes different leaps than other people's. Or maybe everyone's does, but I give voice to mine. Also, i challenged that idea that guilt needs to exist. Not the idea that it does exist; clearly it's a real emotion. I challenged the idea that it's necessary.
The other thing I learned is... well, I guess it's not really a learning. Its just putting words to something I already knew. See, people see my intellect and think "dang, she is one rational, intellectual, logical person." Which is true. But as strong as my intellect is, my emotional side is equally strong. It is not dwarfed my my intellect. I think I get judged as a pretty concrete, cut-and-dried, non-technicolor person a fair bit because people see intellect and think "aha, I understand you." People, it is possible to be gifted in both areas. Thank you and goodnight.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
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