I just had a revelation. Work with me here, heh.
On a photography site I use, I was invited to join a group called "Photographing Children With Special Needs." Which I did. And posted pictures of my son, Kahlil. Which led to revelation number one: I am the mother of a special needs child. I guess since he died so young and I never really got caught up in parenting, this never occurred to me despite his obvious disabilities.
This led me to the kinda more current revelation: I also am a special needs person. I have diagnosis that concur. Maybe because of my work, maybe because it's just who I am, I don't have a negative connotation for "special needs." It just means, someone whose needs aren't the normal needs for their age/gender/whatever. This realization is actually really liberation for me. I tend to treat myself with a "geez, get over it already!" attitude. But if I'm a special needs person... well gosh, of course someone with special needs has special needs!
I feel free-er to be who I am and do what I need to do.
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5 comments:
I love that way of thinking! We should open many more people up to the same criteria. I have felt, too, that something must be wrong with me for me not to be able to cope sometimes the way "non-special needs" people do. It is an awful feeling when you think you are defective or a burden or bad or lazy or manipulative or "needy" in a negative way because you have special needs emotionally or whatever. You then think if you were just perfect you would not feel bad or lazy or needy or selfish, etc. you would feel "normal" for a change.
Oh, and sometime I would love to hear about your son if you are into talking about him.
always ready to talk about my son. here's some pics to get you started: http://www.flickr.com/photos/13836796@N00/sets/72057594048914283/
I can totally see how liberating that could be.
I like this, now remember this when you are beating yourself up about needing or wanting.
Be gentle with yourself.
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