I Exist!

A Man Said to the Universe
by Stephen Crane

A man said to the universe:
"Sir, I exist!"
"However, " replied the universe,
"The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation."

Thoughts on Icarus' Adventure

Icarus

i like to think

that when a man is a reduced

to a dusty heap of feathers

he can,

after a time of stitching wounds

and knitting bones,

haul himself to his feet

and limp on

(more steady with each step)

to find something less fickle

to bind his dreams to

to take the leap again

and maybe it doesn't matter

if he ever really flies,

so long as he tries

...and invite them in.

The Guest House 

by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Thou Art

Thou Art

12:40am, 14 December 2012, upon watching the Geminid meteor shower

Shivering

Gazing up

Searching

I see that

Thou art

Thou art

Oh, Thou very art!

Thou art that Thou art.

And why not?

What other reason should there be?

Splendor, glory, beauty, grandeur, light, mercy...

What other why need be fulfilled?

Shivering

Gazing in

Searching

I see that

I am

I am

Oh, would that I am!

I am that I am.

And why not?

What other reason should there be?

Noble, imperishable, hidden, treasured, rebellious, awe-struck...

What other why need be fulfilled?

Special

I have this weird idea that "not unique" means "not challenging."

I shared this thing in my therapy group today that to me feels very big and bad and I have shame around. And someone said (totally from a good place, my reaction is all me) that it didn't seem that different than an activity that a lot of normal people do very regularly and is not at all seen as unusual.

What I heard was "this is just your slightly different way of expressing this common human trait." Which is probably fairly close to what he was trying to say. But then I continued to extrapolate to "therefore, shut up and get over it, everyone deals with this. You wuss."

I've just come from group, and I'm still processing. A lot. A lot of processing. About a lot of stuff. But I wanted to get this thought written before I lose it.

I am both more and less special than I think I am.

Renaissance Constellations

In my head, Renaissance Festivals are like constantly morphing constellations.

Take this idea as a base, but don't get too stuck on it:

In my head, the artists and performers and vendors and musicians and street cast and administrators... all the people that make up a Faire, are little dots of light, that are constantly swarming around the country in ways that look random until you watch a specific light for a while, and then you see a pattern.

Within the thousands of patterns, sometimes many dots will converge in one place, and stay there making a very bright energetic shining light together for a weekend, or several weeks, or even a month or two. And then suddenly the individual dots burst apart from their convergence, like fireworks, until they converge somewhere else; some of the same dots meet again in convergence after convergence, some a few times, and some only once or twice.

I like to think of the of Renaissance Faires as a constant fireworks display of creative energy.

Naked

My therapist commented today on how much more I am opening up, how much more I am allowing myself to be vulnerable.

She said even my body language and facial expressions were so much more open and flexible.

I felt embarrassed and naked.