Greatness

(Gosh I'm prolific today, aren't I?)
This quote is often attributed to Nelson Mandela. It seems that while he did say it in one of his speeches, he was quoting an author named Marianne Williamson in her book Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles.
Whoever said it, this is pretty much exactly where I am right now. I keep doing things that in retrospect are self sabotaging. Like yesterday I had a pretty good day, got a lot done, cleaned up a bit, sat in the sun with a book.... and then at night I "forgot" (really I did forget, but I'm sure I only did it because my tricky little brain wanted the result) to take my meds (they help me sleep) so I didn't get to sleep until quite late when I finally figured it out. Whenever it seems I have a real chance to get ahead, something always comes up, and if I trace that something back a few steps, it usually winds up originating with me.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

CD Baby

This is what an online company called CD Baby emailed me to let me know they have shipped my order. I love originality!

----------
Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make
sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in
our private CD Baby jet on this day, Friday, February 6th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all
exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh...

--
CD Baby
the little store with the best new independent music
http://cdbaby.com cdbaby@cdbaby.com (503)595-3000

Stuff

By stuff I mean, the things that clutter up my life. And my home. And car.
I can understand the need to have aesthetically pleasing surroundings: even holy texts say that having beautiful surroundings is restful and beneficial to the soul. My decorating tastes are pretty simple. I like an item or a somehow matched set of items to stand out and not be part of a clutter. I like plants. I like simple wood. That's whats restful and beneficial to me. And that's not what I wonder about.
What I wonder about is...
Why do I have a drawer and a chest full of craft and office supplies, for just one person?
Why do I have three pictures of Abdu'l-Baha up in a two room apartment?
Why are there so many books that literally every flat surface including the dining table has been forced into service as a bookshelf? I know, this one is highly charged for book lovers. Bit I myself AM a book lover... and still most of these books I will probably only read a few times and could get from any library. Why keep them dusty in my space?
Why do I have boxes full of mementos? Just to serve as reminders? In the end, what does if matter if I remember the specific stuffed lamb I had as a baby and young child? Its not as if I will forget childhood. Why do I keep the last birthday card my father sent me, until the next one arrives? Its not as if I will forget he loves me, or that I was born. This is the category of stuff that I wonder most about, and that is most cluttery. Most of it is not beautiful in a way that should be displayed or is restful to the eye and the spirit. And yet I hang onto it with a ferocity that surprises me and even frightens me at times. If something were to happen to Kahlil's baby blanket I would be devasted... but why? No matter what material items I possess, he will still be a part of me where ever and when ever I am.
So why, why this need to possess materially when I am already and eternally spiritually connected to everything I have ever loved?

Winter

Everyone knows I'm not a winter person. I don't like cold, snow and ice eventually turn to slush, colds and flus abound... and yet...
It snowed here in Asheville the other day, the first time there's been a significant amount that stayed on the ground. And I had all this great memories of Massachusetts, where there really is a Winter. Like getting to wear cozy sweatshirts and hoodies all day. And there's something ruggedly primal and satisfying about wearing boats and a coat so thick your arms don't move properly, and gloves (maybe two pairs), and big clunky boots that almost reach your knee; like Nature tried to keep you down but you are too strong. Or the sound of plows scraping and roaring along the roads at 2am, so you wake up a little and know that you are safe and looked after, and go back to sleep snuggled under the blanket. Or the look of a fresh snowfall, with flakes still fluttering down onto the trees lining the Housatonic River, that makes everything look sparkling and clean and start-over-able.
As much as I complain about winter, there are some parts I enjoy, and parts that I miss.....
But not enough to move back up north!!!

Comfort

My steam radiators aren't quite enough to make the house not chilly when the weather is really bad. Especially in the bedroom, where there's little cracks of openness where the windows don't quite meet the window sill. So at night I take a hot bath (I don't have a shower, just a tub) and get directly into bed. The best part is when the cats come and curl up with me, one against my chest and one in the little nook my knees make when I lie on my side. I think that's about the best way to fall asleep.

Remembering Party

Jordon (age 3 1/2) was asking me what we're doing tomorrow. I said we were going to have a lot of people who love Oma (that's what he called/calls my mom) get together to have a time to remember her. I told him it is a Remembering Party.
This is the program for my mom's Remembering Party.

On May 31, 1951 a soul was born into this world.

(Song: We Are by Sweet Honey in the Rock)

Thus. ere thou didst issue from thy mother's womb, I destined for thee two founts of gleaming milk,eyes to watch over thee, and hearts to love thee.
--Baha'u'llah

She was known by many names:
Holly, Diane, Holomon, Sims, Nevill, Nuri, Naseem.

Please call me by my true names,
so that I can hear all my cries and my laughs at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.
Please call me by my true names,
so that I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart can be left open...
--Thich Nhat Hanh

She was a Baha'i.

(Song: Top of My Lungs by Devon Gundry)

The first duty prescribed by God for His servants is the recognition of Him Who is the Dayspring of His Revelation and the Fountain of His laws, Who representeth the Godhead in both the Kingdom of His Cause and the world of creation. Whoso achieveth this duty hath attained unto all good..., It behoveth every one who reacheth this most sublime station, this summit of transcendent glory, to observe every ordinance of Him Who is the Desire of the world, These twin duties are inseparable. Neither is acceptable without the other. Thus hath it been decreed by Him Who is the Source of Divine Inspiration.
--Baha'u'llah

This soul was part of a family.
She was a daughter, sister, wife, mother, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, aunt, mother-in-law.
She was an Oma.

You were born together, and together you shall be forever more.
You shall be together even when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of heaven dance between you.
--Kahlil Gibran

(Prayer said by Naseem's grandson Jordon)

She was an educator:
a Baha'i children's class teacher, an art teacher, a preschool teacher, a preschool director, an early childhood specialist, a tutor.

Regard ye man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures, and enable mankind to benefit therefrom.
--Baha'u'llah

This soul was an artist,
a gardener, a seamstress, a needleworker, a singer, a poet, a story teller.

...in this wonderful new age, art is worship. The more thou strivest to perfect it, the closer thou wilt come to God. What bestowal could be greater than this, that one's art should be even as the act of worshiping the Lord? That is to say, when thy fingers grasp the paintbrush, it is as if thou wert at prayer in the Temple.
--'Abdu'l-Baha

She loved her community.
She was a Local Spiritual Assembly member, an interfaith teacher, a committee member, a traveler.

Know that God is compassionate toward all; therefore, love all from the depths of your hearts, prefer all religionists before yourselves, be filled with love for every race, and be kind toward people of all nationalities.
--Abdu'l-Baha

She was a victim, a survivor, a patient, a warrior.

O Son of Man! My calamity is My providence,outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy. Hasten thereunto that thou mayest become an eternal light and an immortal spirit.
--Baha'u'llah

(Please join in singing "Is There Any Remover of Difficulties")

She was an infant, a child, a youth, a maiden, a mother, a crone.

O thou maidservant of God! Every woman who becometh the maidservant of God outshineth in glory the empress of the world, for she is related to God and her sovereignty is everlasting....
--'Abdu'l-Baha

She was a lover, a beloved, a friend.

Love is Heaven's kindly light, the Holy Spirit's eternal breath that vivifieth the human soul.
--'Abdu'l-Baha

(Song: Hollow Reed, words by 'Abdu'l-Baha, sung at the Black Men's Gathering)

On October 30, 2008 a soul was born into the next world.

A candle is made to become entirely flame.
In that annihilating moment
it has no shadow.
It is nothing but a tongue of light
describing a refuge.
Look at this
just-finishing candle stub
as someone who is finally safe from virtue and vice,
the pride and the shame
we claim from those.
--Rumi

Praise be to God!
His Traces are evident
Praise be to God!
His Lights are radiating.
Praise be to God!
His Ocean is full of waves.
Praise be to God!
His radiance is intense.
Praise be to God!
His bestowals are abundant.
Praise be to God!
His Favors are manifest.
--'Abdu'l-Baha

autumn

OK, so I can go along with autumn being a time for change, even for loss: I've lost my mother, my best friend, my roommate, and my gall bladder this autumn.
But can it stop now please?