Asheville

Wow. So here I am back in NC.

I have a very cool apartment, 2 bedroom 2 bath, that I share with a very cool roommate and the coolest cat in the world. Just yesterday I got my room completely set up, and the living room mostly set up. I still seriously need to take out some trash, but its coming along nicely. Its a little weird because we are using all my roommate's furniture and such. All of my things were sold to finance the move from Massachusetts. In all fairness, his stuff is much nicer (we have a huge TV, not sure if I like it or not all in all, heh). It's starting to feel like home though.

I start a very cool job tomorrow. I'm a Community Skills Instructor with the Autism Society of North Carolina. I get to do one on one stuff with autistic kids, working on their speech, occupational, physical, and social goals. Most of this is done in the community... so like, I will take a kid to the grocery store to work on being in public and waiting in line. That kind of thing.
I have one morning kid, 9-12. I will actually be her personal aide in her preschool classroom, which is something I always wanted to try but never got to. Then, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I will hang out with a middle school aged boy from 2:30 to 6:30, and Tuesday and Thursdays I get to be with an elementary school aged girl from 2 to 5. I like that long lunch break thing in the middle of the day there. My house in on the way from the morning kid to the afternoon ones, so I will stop at home and have a good lunch and relax for awhile on most days. I like having a good age mix of kids so I can try out different approaches to things. My supervisor is very flexible, relaxed, and open. I think it'll all work out just really well.

Hmm, what else... found some cool places to hang out, both in town (a really nice Irish pub kind of place is among my favorites, but just walking around downtown is fun here; its so diverse!) and in the mountains (there's a park on the French Broad River about 15 minutes from my house; I plan to take the cat out there soon, on a leash of course, to see what he thinks of nature). I've been to a Baha'i devotional gathering (its more of a class, not what I'm looking for but I will go occasionally for the socialness of it) and to a Feast (which was very nice to be at, though I miss Charlotte's more open devotions). Made contact with a few people who seem like they could be friends, given time.

So all in all its slow, but going. I'd rather slow and steady and continual than fast and easy to lose!

Gossip

Gossip is pretty much the worst thing we can do. Ever. To anyone.

It destroys trust: if I talk about someone when they aren't there, how do I know you don't talk about me when I'm not there?

People judge each other: no matter how perfect we try to be, everyone judges things. Gossip is how we point out our judgments to each other and make them seem ok. So I hear a bit of gossip, say that Mary eats 3 donuts before bed every night. I judge that as unhealthy and a lack of self discipline. When I pass on the gossip, I pass on my judgment with it. So now people see Mary as unhealthy and undisciplined. That grows and grows and soon there is no one who doesn't judge Mary. It grows and becomes bigger and uglier and sadly, more fascinating to most people. Look at how it happens with celebrities: paparazzi stuff is basically just gossip with shiny pictures thrown in to make it even more irresistible. That stuff can ruin not just careers but lives. The same thing happens with regular gossip, the kind without glossy photos, the kind that takes place around a water cooler or during late night chats.

This isn't coming out right... I'll try again later. For now, just know that gossip is the most hurtful thing we can do to each other.

You Are Your Own Best Expert

I think that's just so important. Maybe THE most important thing, aside from not gossiping. Its also one of the hardest things, I think. Humans like control. We like to think we know what's best when for whom. He's drinking too much, he must stop. She doesn't wear the right clothes, I know what she should wear. They don't have the right philosophies, I know what they should believe. It makes things more comfortable to believe you know things for others; you feel in control and safe. Really though, we have no idea what's right for other people. Only they do. Maybe he drinks because its the only time he can relax, maybe she's comfortable in what she wears, maybe their philosophies work for them in ways we don't understand. The feeling out of control can be hard though. When I (I know, my pronoun use is inconsistent here) trust my friend to be his own best expert, I give up control. I can be supportive. I can be with him quietly in his process. I can be active when he asks me to be... but I am not in control of anything. When we see people we love hurting, this can be really hard. Our (or maybe just my?) first thought is generally to fix it, to get rid of the pain at whatever cost. But that's cheating our loved ones of the experience they need. The Universe/God is setting up for them what they need in order for them to become who they are meant to be. Every moment is perfect. Every moment is what's meant to be. Realizing this... remembering this in the face of great pain... is what makes it possible to relax and truly be there for someone.

...but its really hard sometimes...

Ideas needed!

I'm looking for ideas about a couple of things:

1. How to maintain my stability and sense of self in the face of others' strong emotions

2. Ways to express or release anger that don't involve anything violent (violent includes hitting pillows, stomping, door slamming, etc)

3. Ways to identify and accept emotions when they arise, so that I can be calm and convey them calmly and rationally in the moment.

Any help would be great!

BE

Don't do, just be.
Taoism speaks of non-doing. Abdu'l-Baha said there is magic in the word "be." In the Arabic abjad system, the word "be" has a numeric value of 9, the most complete number: the number of fulfillment.
To be is the most perfect thing we can do. To "do" is to try to make things happen, to push things, to have a need to be in control. To be is to relax, to not-do, to allow the universe to flow, allow God's plan to happen, allow yourself to play your role in it.
Being is beauty. Being is the best thing for yourself, your friends and family, your world, your universe. Being is easy and right.

Love vs Care

Love and caring for someone are often used synonymously, but I want to introduce a new definition in which they are actually opposites. Really, I'm just using these words to express ideas, but words are handy things given that's how we communicate.

Love is a pure, unconditional feeling. Love is the energetic expression of appreciation and wonder for the beauty of a person; for their personal Godliness. It is in the untwisted delight in the mannerisms and supposed imperfections that make Joe uniquely Joe and give Jill her Jill-ness. Love has no sense of time, no agenda, no momentum or inertia. It simply is: a flowing of energy from one person to another. Love allows us to fully and totally trust others to live their lives as they need to, for themselves and not for us.

Caring for someone is the root of care-taking. Caring is a perversion of love: caring comes with message, an agenda, something to accomplish. Caring is needing Holly to find a way out of her unstable relationship or wanting Dan to stop talking to himself when he walks outside. Out intentions may very well stem out of wanting what is best for someone, but in caring we forget that we don't know what is best for someone else. Caring leads to meddling and invasion and evasion. caring is the word we use to make it sound ok that we have agendas for people, and that we need for them to act and react in certain ways to gain our full approval.

Caring for someone and loving them are opposites. Love is genuine acceptance and appreciation, and having the complete trust in another person to know and do what is best for themselves. Caring for someone is having a need for them to change or have a particular experience and influencing them, however subtly, in that direction. Caring is harmful and can lead to the destruction of another's psyche if practiced too intensely, too often, or by too many people. While love is a wonderful thing, caring is to be avoided at all costs.

Power v/s Empowered

There's been days when I have been just an amazing person. I've been comfortable and loving and gone for my wants and been of service and just everything. And then the next day, or even that night, I freak out and do something that brings me down, like judge myself for an action or thought I usually wouldn't or something equally silly. And today I realized why I was so scared of being empowered.
I was confusing power with being empowered. Power means being able to change situations and people but maybe making mistakes and messing things up (see George W.). I've been really afraid of that, of power: of having influence and responsibility.
Empowered is a lot the same, in terms of having influence, but you get that influence through love; unconditional love. Love first means you can never screw up. So its awesome to feel good and be good when you are empowered because everything you do... everything I do... will be perfect. There is nothing to fear from being empowered, and everything to look forward to.