Thursday, August 13, 2009

an attitude of learning

Spoke to someone on the phone today (hi, someone!) who kind of reminded me there are other perspectives to this detox thing.
Like how much I'm learning about myself. For example, I don't differentiate between cravings very well. I can't tell if I'm hungry, thirsty, tired, craving sugar, craving self injury, etc etc. at least, not when it's a strong craving. This is definitely something I want to train myself to do more easily.
And I have deprivation issues. When I can't have/get something I want, it triggers a lot of emotional stuff for me. I'm not entirely sure of where it all comes from or why its there, but not being "allowed" to have, say a cookie (mmmmmm cookie.... drool...) somehow turns into not being worthy of having a cookie which leads to not being worthy of anything good (like other people's companionship or love). Something to explore, fo' sho'. Started to a little bit in therapy this afternoon but had some other stuff to work on too. Plus an hour of therapy just isn't all that long when you're me!
So yes. Trying to approach this detox thing with an attitude of learning now, as well as remembering I've got 15 days at the very outside of this intense stuff. And that I'm creating a lifestyle here, which is the lufestyle I want and that is so good for me.
Also gonna try to research my reactions because (as in childbirth) it sometimes helps you get through stuff to know what your body is doing and why, even if the symptom stays the same
Meanwhile, still wickedly tired, pretty irritable and anxious, and I have a kind of constant lowgrade headache. The hives are gone though, thanks to the facebook friend who told me about sandalwood oil for hives!

1 comment:

ryran said...

An hour of therapy isn't that long for anyone....

Sandalwood. Hmm.