Someone recently asked me if I'd considered that maybe I spend too much time and energy in contemplation, rather than doing. And it occurred to me; that's the crux of my problem. Not necessarily that it's out of balance, although I've long suspected it is. The fundamental problem, I speculate, is that I have a fear of doing.
When the nutrition course I was/will be in gave me permission to start seeing clients, I suddenly stopped being as interested in the course (the subject matter was still intriguing, it was the course itself that lost some of its appeal). In other words, when it came time to do some doing, I deflated.
I often find that when I do get energy or motivation for something, I will make an effort to psych myself out. For example, if I feel like going for a walk, I might then consciously almost make myself think "eh, first I'd have to find some socks so I could wear my sneakers, and I should really use the bathroom first, and fill up a water bottle, and meh, it's not worth it."
It seems a little oxymoronic, or at least plain old moronic, to try to contemplate myself out of a surplus of contemplation... but I'm not sure how else to go about it. I've tried kind of forcing myself to do. Good old will power, right? Apparently I was born without the gene. Or maybe, the ability to access the gene. Or use it. Or something. The point is, I currently seem unable to strictly force myself to do things. Even, in some warped trick of the psyche, things I at least kind of want to be doing (man, human psychology is weird).
Maybe a small amount of contemplation, or at least trick-learning and circuit-bypassing, is going to be required so I can step out of my own way when it comes to doing the things I'm at least a bit interested in doing? And from there, work my way to doing things I'm not all that interested in doing?
I feel like this makes me sound interminably lazy. Maybe I am... I've always told myself "I'm not lazy, I just do things when I am happy to do them" and to a large extent, I believe that. I'd much rather do a larger stack of dishes every couple of days when I am actually enjoying doing them, rather than every day and be hating it the whole time. I guess the problem in the philosophy comes in when I wind up not doing things when it would probably make me happy (in the longer term sense of the word "happy") to do them.
Anyway, I was having these ideas about doing versus thinking and I didn't want to lose them, so I wrote them down. Right now I am going to go DO going to bed.
But if you have any thoughts, my peeps, please share them!
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2 comments:
Try this on for size:
I bet that for you, Thinking is "Real Work" and seems like it doesn't really take any time at all. While Doing is an imposition that seems to take forever.
Try viewing Doing as play instead of work. You will be amazed to learn that things get done faster than you imagine and in comparison, you are spending an enormous amount of time thinking!
Thinking is likely natural to you, so don't stop, your best work will be accomplished there, but Doing could be fun if you simply use it as a play break. No expectations! You'll be stunned by the skills that will evolve through play!
I don't really have any thoughts, but I read it all. Sounds good that you're realizing this. I like what Frank said too.
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