The interesting thing about depression is that when I have it, i don't really care. I guess that's a common part of depression; losing motivation for things you used to love, not being interested in things. I just kinda sit back and wait for it to run it's course. I think I do that with most emotions, actually. "This too shall pass."
I kind of feel like maybe I should care that I don't care. In some part of my stomach I'm concerned about hurting people I care about by being depressed again.
But there's an old ratty flannel shirt kind of comfort to my depression. Like how in the first days of fall you get to wear your favorite hoodie again, and it's heavier than you are used to, but it's warm too. So warm that maybe heavy ain't so bad. At least til spring comes round again.
Not all those who wander are lost...
1 comment:
I had a friend once (mutual to you and me) tell me that depression was addicting. I got very mad at her. (I was depressed), but later I thought she might be right. We get used to feeling a certain way and even when we feel bad and don't want to, there is comfort in the familiarity of it like you say. But I do like not being depressed more than being comfortable in it. I am also sometimes resentful that some folks never know what it is like. Not that I want people to be depressed, just to not judge depressed people. Ya know? I shouldn't envy, but I do envy happy people. Not always, though, because I like also being able to identify with and be supportive and helpful to others who suffer from the illness.
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