My title sounds like a haiku should follow... but tough luck to all you haiku lovers.
It's snowing today (yes, your computer is right, I wrote this on April 7). Its not really sticking, but its still strange and slightly haunting to see trees in full bloom surrounded by swirling snowflakes. Apparently its not only weird, but bad for these trees. They get all bloomy and excited about spring, and then the freeze kills the blooms. But too bad trees, you only get one shot at blooming and leafing per year. So a lot of trees this coming year will have pretty low leaf counts, and the fruit harvests will be bad. The same is true for all plants unfortunate enough to be striving toward life when this late freeze came. Good thing I'm not a farmer (and sympathies to those around here who are).
I've realized that while I love my job, it can be better. The way my job is, I get to work with autistic kids. That's the thing I love to do, so its good. The not so good things are, I don't get much say in how and where and when I work with them. And I don't get to take part in planning their programs/plans/treatments. Its really hard for me to try to make a 4 year old sit still during group time at school when I don't believe she's even ready for school. Or to be in a position where there's nothing I can do to help a child with his aggression except try not to let him hurt me too badly. I am seriously considering the following plan: getting a part-time easy job (like an office drone kind of thing, where my emotions and brans won't be taxed much) and then sending a letter to the parents of autistic children I know in the area along with a DVD of a BBC documentary following the progress of a family who is using the Son-Rise program for their son. In the letter I will state that I am no longer with the Autism Society of North Carolina (if that's how they knew me; so there's no confusion about where I'm coming from, etc) and say that I am starting a private practice. I will say that I believe their child could benefit enormously and that I would love to work with them to set up a personalized program for their child. I will offer a free initial consultation. So yeah, that's what I'm getting very interested in doing. Eventually I would hope to use the office-drone kind of job as just a transition thing while I'm building the business (Hmm, it needs a name. Any ideas?), for maybe a year or so.
So that's my grandiose idea. And as you can tell from the word grandiose, I have doubts about my ability to do such a thing. Maybe the responsibility scares me; that families might be counting on me to work miracles when I know that the real miracles iof autism are more often in the day-to-day than the kinds that gets you on Oprah.
I'd love to hear what people think of this.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
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4 comments:
The thing about miracles is that they are always in the eye of the beholder, and if the beholder has an investment in staying where they are, they won't see the miracle. Miracles means I have to change. I can no longer be a victim. It means there's something I CAN do (so, doesn't that mean that I should?). It means I have to LIVE my life--sometimes, I don't feel like it. Hard work, eh? What I'm noticing is that it's much harder work to keep myself in place, stuck, unmoving, or worse yet, paddling upstream, against the current. I'm experimenting with flowing downstream, oars in my canoe, watching the miracles unfold.
One of the most useful sayings I learned from Al Anon is the following: a desperate urge, MY will; a calm certainty, God's Will. It helps me with perspective.
A neat thing about little BIG ideas like this one, is that while we have a choice about whether or not we believe we can accomplish them, once we decide that we DO believe they are possible, the universe-river takes us along towards that goal.
You don't need examples of this scenario...travel, your own house/apt, sleeping, peace of mind...
once we believe in our dreams, they aren't dreams anymore, but goals to work toward...scary? Or exciting...i believe you could do exactly what you described...simply because you imagined it-I think its possible for you then...
Sawhill's are representin' well in this post. Nice job you two. Interesting things to be reminded of....
@Karin:
I like this quote fron Chuang Tzu that speaks to that idea:
Easy is right. BEing right
And you are easy.
Continue easy and you are right.
The right way to go easy
Is to forget the right way
And forget that the going is easy.
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