Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Wow, what a really amazing day. Know that for this post, I use the words God and Universe to mean the same thing.
I had a talk with Fritz on Sunday night, a dialogue with Julie today at lunch, and a yoga class this evening. They all conspired so that I had a huge realization.
The realization is that I understand unity. See, we really are all just one big creature. Like lots of little cells, called people, with semi-permeable membranes so we only let in what we want to. Connected by this plasma/blood stuff called air. What that means is that when good happens for one of us, good happens for all of us. You can't improve the health of your heart without improving the health of your liver and lungs and kidneys as well. So as long as I am doing what is truly an authentically good for me, I am helping everyone around me and everyone around them, and around them... by helping myself I am helping the entire organism called Earth. Sometimes it looks like hurt or sadness or anger, but the Universe has a huge unimaginably complex plan that is so far beyond me all I can do is trust it. Whatever happens for anyone is what is meant to happen for everyone because really we are all just one big Universe, all of us together.
And as cells in the Universe, we are also completely self-reliant. We have everything we need inside of ourselves, just as cells have their independent nuclei and cytoplasm and other things I can't remember from fifth grade science. It is good and fun and amazing to be a part of the beautiful whole, but it is also good and fun and amazing to supply all of our own needs. Whichever method of fulfillment suits us best at the time is the best for everyone at that time.
God is truly Most Glorious!

I also used to have a belief that I wasn't able to figure out what is good for me. But I now have solid evidence that I can. There was a volunteer at Option who I felt uncomfortable around, and so I made a conscious decision not to become close to him, although he was pushing for that and in the past I would have ignored my discomfort and felt that I "should" be his friend. Today I found out that the reason he left Option suddenly was because he had been seriously inappropriate with a female staff member. I had an intuition, followed it, and totally took care of myself! This evidence that I can and will take care of myself is huge for me! Its further proof that as a cell in the Universe I really do have all that I need.

I love you all, my fellow cells!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

New Assignments

First new assignment: where I live. This gorgeous place on the river has been so very perfect for my first year here, but it's time for me to move on. It's too expensive, too far from work, and too isolated from my friends and coworkers (most of which, ironically, is why it was so perfect for the beginning of my time here). I'm moving to a not-nearly-so-cool apartment in Great Barrington. It still has amazing views, just not involving the river. There's a cool spot of river that's nearby though. It's also about 20 minutes from work, versus a 40 minute drive from where I am now. It's very near town and a grocery store too. Its a one bedroom instead of a studio, and I am looking forward to having separate sleeping and living areas. It's also significantly cheaper than where I am now. Fritz will be my roommate at the new place, but we have it worked out so we have almost completely separate space: we will even have our own entrances.

Second new assignment: I am doing a minimum of 5 dialogues per week for 8 weeks. I just completed week 2. Its an amazing assignment! I sent an email to everyone I could think of who does dialogues. I am getting some from some pretty big-time mentors and teachers around Option, and it's been amazing. My beginning topic is always to be something around expressing emotion, but dialogues go to a lot of unexpected places. The teacher who assigned it to me said to think of it as a blast off: it takes a lot of energy to get out of the atmosphere (like 5 dialogues a week) but once you are there you only need to make course adjustments, you don't need a huge thrust again.

In unassigned news, my new way of eating is really good for me. I tried to eat a lovely chocolate cake the other day and.... I didn't like it. I was momentarily depressed, but then realized how wonderful it is. I still crave the feeling I used to get from eating things like chocolate cake, but I've created a new belief that melon is my treat. So I don't buy melon regularly; I treat it as an occasional special treat food. That's been working really well for me, though I will admit to a certain yearning in my salivary glands when I see a chocolate filled croissant.
I'm loving spring here: everything is all shiny and green and new. It inspires me to be shiny and green and new as well.

It's a really exciting time to be me!

Sunday, May 4, 2008


Something, something, something, but I don't know what, feels like its missing. When I'm productive and doing things I feel good. When I don't have something I'm working on, like on weekends when nothing is planned and no projects need doing, I don't feel good. I know, I have to relax and stuff to have energy or whatever. But I feel restless and unsatisfied. Like right now, I'm only posting to have something to do that has some kind of result. Some time soon I think I'm going to have to look at this.


Ridvan is a series of important Baha'i holy days. The most holy, actually. For me it went by pretty much unnoticed. I'm not able to take the days off work/training. There is no one here to celebrate it with. When I first got here I tried having celebrations and observances on my own, but that quickly lost its charm. Its interesting to see that I seem to rely on others to keep my religious fervor up. Living the life, in many ways, is something that's been missing from my life since I got here. In some ways I'm doing it: I strive to live according to the principles and laws of Baha'u'llah, I still teach and talk about the Faith. But I no longer observe holy days or Feasts and I have started to lose my dedicated times of prayer and reading the Writings. I intend to go back to reading the Writings morning and evening and observing the obligatory prayer, starting today. If anyone has writings about isolated believers, or keeping up individual faith, I'd love to read them. I will be looking for them myself as well.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

May Day!

For a little while spring here smelled like spring... you know: grass, dirt, fresh things, maybe some nice clean rain. That lasted about a week. Then spring smelled like cow manure and burnt stuff. The farmers burn off the stumps and roots of last year's crop before they turn the soil. The homeowners rake their years and burn all the dead wintry debris.
Also, mayflies are a real creature that likes to swarm around anything living. And the mosquitoes are coming out to play.
And yesterday..... there were snow flurries! WTFBBQ!
I still love spring though.