This week I've gotten upset twice. I know that may not sound like a whole lot, but I'm generally a really laid-back person!
Once was because I felt that someone was being really pushy about giving me advice. In fact, the way the person was phrasing things felt nothing like friendly advice, and very much like "I have it all together, and I know exactly what you need to do; do it my way or you'll regret it!" I got angry at what felt like an invasion, but I addressed the issue with humor and compassion, and basically let it go.
But then the next day a bunch of international friends of mine were planning a huge international get together that I am unable to attend. The gathering has been a bit of a sensitive spot for me since it got past the initial planning stages, actually. I feel like the group is going to get tighter without me, and I will miss out on the closeness that they will all develop. Anyway, there was some stuff around that going on that also got me feeling angry.
And that's when I noticed I really really really wanted to eat Captain D's fish and chips, with a Coke. For my international readers (and maybe not in my region readers; I'm not sure how far spread Captain D's is), Captain D's is basically seafood fast food. I was pretty surprised at myself, for having such a specific and strong craving when I haven't had a real craving in quite some time.
So I stepped back to look at it:
1. I was feeling left out, and suspected the feeling would last.
2. I was feeling angry, and somewhat betrayed and invaded.
3. My dad used to take my brother and I to Captain D's when we spent weekends with him after he and my mother got divorced, where I always got fish and chips and a Coke. Captain D's was like a treat, and a thing that we only did with my dad, so it was special.
4. Fried food, especially if white potatoes and gluten are involved, makes me feel very heavy and full and lethargic; in other words, it kind of numbs me out.
OK, so, craving deconstructed! What I was really wanting was to feel connected and, if that couldn't happen, numb.
I opted not to get my fish and chips. Instead I texted a message of appreciation to a friend and re-read a light novel that has always drawn me in very effectively.
A few hours later my craving had passed and I was feeling much better!
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4 comments:
love the deconstruction, I wish I was better at that with my own cravings!
I can understand the meet being difficult, and I would love to be able to have you there. But I know that one day we will meet, and it will be awesome, and also that you won't be forgotten on the day :)
Aw, thanks. That was actually really helpful for me to hear.
(I'm too lazy to sign in, it's dawni.)
I'm sorry for the ways I've contributed to your feeling so left out and unhappy.
I wanna reiterate what fallen said, though; I'd have loved to have had you there too, and you'll not be forgotten - not on any part of it.
I appreciate ya'll's thoughts :)
Just to be clear, for me this post was more about celebrating my understanding of a craving than mourning a missed opportunity.
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