Thursday, December 13, 2007
Ultimatum
I've been given something of a deadline in my training. If I am not through with an issue by February I will be put on probation. Probation means, you have one month to get through something and no class time will be spent on it, its just all you. If you aren't done with it in that one month, you are out of the program. So now I am working on whether its worth pushing myself on this one issue. Its big for me. Its being comfortable with having attention focused on my body. That's really scary for me, but necessary in the playroom with autistic kids, as we want to be the most exciting thing in the room. A child facilitator's body is her most important tool and she has to be completely comfortable with it and with using it in any way. I'm not. And I don't know if I want to be. I know that I can be, if I want it. I'm kinda stuck on this, because its so big for me. I don't know if I want the training bad enough to work through this scary issue.
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2 comments:
One must first give oneself a big, honest, and real permission to say, "No" in order for a "yes" to have any real meaning. It sounds to me like this is what you did. It's a process that creates meaning. Seen in this light, it has nothing to do with weakness. I hope you can feel the strength and the meaning derived carries you through. Love ya always.
Whoa.
This is kinda serious.
That last sentence doesn't sound like you.. like the rest of this blog. Hmmmm. Guess we'll talk in RL on this one.
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