Okokok. So I just really fully realized this last night, and worked with it today. I use unhappiness as a way to get attention. Now people, I know I've said that before, but I just knew it in my head, I didn't really believe it. No wait. Yes I did. But I didn't change it because I really believed that unhappiness is the only way to get people to show caring and nurturing. And I had ample evidence. When I was happy, active caring was kinda hit or miss but when I was unhappy, man, people rushed to love me! Well, here's what I figured out. I wasn't getting that caring kind of energy in my interactions when I was happy because I WASN"T ASKING FOR IT! Even when I thought I was, I was asking really unclearly, not at all specifically and usually not in the moment. So instead of "I'd love a hug, please!" I was saying things like "Why aren't you happier for me?" which is just a question, its not at all an expression of what I want. Duh, I wasn't getting what I wanted when I was happy because people didn't know what I wanted!
And here's an exciting second part. Suppose I do say "I'd love a hug, please" and my friend says "no." So what! They say this all the time at Option but I never got it: that means everything about him and nothing about me. He could still think I'm the greatest person ever, he just doesn't want a hug right then. He has a sore arm, he's afraid to catch my cold (I really do have a nasty cold, by the way), or he just isn't in the mood. Or maybe my friend really does decide he thinks I'm not a great person and doesn't want to maintain the friendship. So what again! Just because he isn't seeing it in the moment doesn't mean I'm *not* a great person, it just means he's not seeing it because of his own filters and stuff. Or he does see it but its not the kind of greatness he needs in his life right now. Or he's more comfortable interacting in unhappiness. There's a million things it could mean, but it does NOT mean anything about me.
What a freeing couple of realizations to have had!
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2 comments:
Hello Sonya. Angela gave me your blog info, so I looked you up. I am glad you are well and doing some interesting self discovery. I like the Just Ask...I need to do that more often, people can;t read minds..can they? I think of you often. We keep the book you wrote and gave to Kai in the car. We like to read it to Aiden. He doesn't remember that you were the first one to make him laugh. Thank you for helping Kai discover her creative writing abilities. It is hard to believe that she is ten and he is four. Thank you for being in our lives when I really needed someone. I am still baking Kai's Kookies when ever I get orders. Take care, Be Blessed and Be Well! Tracy
Wow. If only we could ALL learn this.
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