Sunday, June 26, 2011

Illness Frustration

I'm struggling with the idea of being ill. I want to go back to my life as it was; I don't want to miss the last week of the school year at the place where I volunteer, I don't want to be missing so many dance practices, I don't want to have to ask for rides to the grocery store. I want to be able to find a position to sit or lay or stand in that is comfortable, I want to be able to do even basic things for myself, I want to not be reliant on medications to be able to get good rest. And yet, that's where I am.

I have this idea I try to act on in my life that I call "yes, thank you." All of my experiences, my thoughts, my feelings, I want to be able to welcome them and learn from them; to say "yes! thank you!" to them. My personal motto or affirmation has become "I welcome, treasure, and celebrate all aspects of my life."

And I know that there is a lot for me to learn from this illness... other wise, I wouldn't be having it! But right now, this evening, uncomfortable and feeling helpless on my couch, I am having a lot of trouble appreciating that.

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