Friday, November 27, 2009

I will refuse

Go to school. Sit still. No talking until the clock strikes. Strikes three and you're out.

Get a job. What pays well? Get it, earn it, press the buttons. Have to earn big. Have to afford a car, phone, cable, internet, a palace to call home. Have to. Have to...


I will refuse.

I do not exist because I own.

I am me!

Not a house, a car, or any other possession.

I live not to consume but create.

--Cameron Tomele (an amazing professional acrobat and apparently poet!)


Just a list of things I am thankful for, to honor the day (Well, the yesterday. Close enough.)
  • The internet: how it keeps me so easily in touch with people I care about.
  • Being close to my brother and his family (physically and emotionally!)
  • Learning to be comfortable being me
  • Learning how to take care of my body
  • My dad is healing
  • The wonderful people who are watching over me from the next world
  • Reconnecting with old friends
  • Being able to dance
  • Support from people I love, even when things seem strange or inconvenient
  • Getting massages! And all the things in my life that make that possible.
  • Creativity (mine and others')
  • Sunshine
  • Love
  • Being able to help other people
  • Books
  • Finding great professional supports (therapist, doctor, etc)
Anyway, there's loads more... but that's all for now. I list 5 things I'm grateful for every night before bed. An attitude of gratitude helps me keep positive!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Goodbye, Renaissance

Well, the Carolina Renaissance Festival is over for the year. It was generally pretty groovy. I met some great people. I intend to stay with the group I was dancing with (the same group I danced with like 12 years ago) and do the Festival again next year.
It was a lot harder, physically, than it was when I was 20ish though! Emotionally, it was a lot easier. I'm way better at setting boundaries and trusting my instincts about who and what and where to stay away from. I set some good personal boundaries too, about not doing things I'm not comfortable doing (like singing a kind of suggestive song).
So, all in all, it was a positive experience. I'll be posting some pictures on flickr soonish, but here are a few to tide you over.




Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Baha'i People versus The Baha'i Faith

So, I've done a pretty good job in my life in divorcing the people who are Baha'is from the principals and holiness of the Baha'i Faith. To me that's pretty important. The religion itself can be perfect and amazing even if I don't always get along with every one who is a Baha'i. And it doesn't sully the glory and truth of the Faith if I encounter Baha'is who I feel aren't living up to it very well. Or heck, even when I don't live up to it very well. The Faith is separate from its very human and fallible practitioners for me.
But I wonder if I've separate it too much? It's not very important to me to attend a lot of the community events. Tonight is a Holy Day celebration that I'm opting not to go to. Not because I have other plans or anything... I just don't really feel like going. I'd rather do some kind of solo commemoration.
I do know that in the Writings it talks a lot about community and how its important to have one and participate in one. I just... meh. Part of that is, I haven't really bonded to many Baha'is here since I got back. Which I know is at least 50% my fault, and maybe more. I'm not reaching out and trying. But... I don't really feel like others are either... But I've always had a kind of weird sense of socialness so maybe they are and I just don't get it. I dunno.
For now, I've decided to make getting to Feast a priority and not worry about other activities if they don't draw me. We'll see where it goes.